by Derek Brownlee
As published in East West Journal, September, 1975
East West Journal: Well, perhaps the best place to start is at the beginning. How did you actually create the universe?
GOD: I just imagined it, one week.
EWJ: Wasn't that a rather big job, even for you?
GOD: No, not at all. You see, all I created that first week was a garden. And, to tell the truth, it was pretty tacky. Wouldn't pass as a movie set today. But who could tell the difference? It was the only garden in creation, it was mine, and in my eyes it was perfect.
EWJ: In your eyes? How did you actually see your creation?
GOD: Aha! Very good question. I couldn't see a thing until I invented eyes. Put them on the fishes of the sea and the beasts of the field, everything that moved. That way I could keep an eye on my whole territory.
EWJ: Why did you create men? Look what a mess they have made of your garden.
GOD: You mean people. You've got to say people these days, and personkind and Dear Person. Well, it all started innocently enough back in that first week, after I had made my perfect little garden. I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to sit in it and see it and hear it and smell it and walk around and splash in the cool clear streams and dry off in the sun's rays. So I saw to it that people had the right equipment for enjoying the world and I didn't forget to include a bit of myself. I wanted to be right there where the action was. Well, people turned out to be a mixed blessing. Refused to have a good time! Can you imagine that? Well, I suppose you can. No, don't tell me your excuses. You have no idea how much junk mail I get.
EWJ: Why do you sit back and let your world go to pot? Aren't you going to do something about it?
GOD: That's all I hear. "God do this! God do that! Hurry up, God, the car payment's due!" I don't listen to them anymore. You see a mess out there? What are you doing about it? Why do you tolerate living in a mess? Clean it up!
EWJ: Does that mean you've given up on mankind?
GOD: You mean peoplekind. That's the last time I'm going to tell you. Now what was your question?
EWJ: Have you given up on people?
GOD: Not at all. I'm having a ball with the human race. There are millions of people enjoying themselves and that is where I spend my time. There are some perfectly delightful mountain retreats and sun-washed islands where I make my home, but I'm not going to tell you where they are.
EWJ: What's your opinion of Satan?
GOD: Is that a TV series? I don't watch television.
EWJ: No, Satan, alias the devil, alias Lucifer, alias the Evil One?
GOD: I have no one under those names on my books. My opinion is that there's no such person. Why don't you ask me something I know about? I didn't finish telling you about creation.
EWJ: After you created your garden, that first week, how did you turn it into the somewhat more complex world we know today?
GOD: The world you know today is created by yourself.
EWJ: I don't understand.
GOD: You will.
EWJ: You mean, in a future life?
GOD: Take all the time in the world, but don't complain to me that you're bored and frustrated.
EWJ: Let me phrase the question another way. What happened after you created your garden? What did you do next?
GOD: As I told you, I wanted to get right into my creation, in the form of a human being, so I could properly enjoy it. I did that on Friday, but I'm not going to attempt to tell you how, at this stage. It's a very exhausting operation, getting inside your own creation, and after I had made the transformation I sacked out on the grass. I must have slept clear through till Sunday. Sunday I started discovering my creation from the inside. (Incidentally, this is the only way to keep a creation going for more than a few days. If you only imagine it from the outside, it gets to be a terrible burden keeping the details straight in your mind.) Sunday, I walked around in my garden and I simply loved it.
EWJ: It has been said that God is love.
GOD: Correct. Yes. Loving is supreme happiness. It is also creating. It is also me, experiencing my creation--from the second week until now.
EWJ: Did anything significant happen in that second week?
GOD: I kept fairly busy landscaping and extending the garden. I multiplied myself into a whole herd of people, though that took more than a week. I discovered sex.
EWJ: How did you multiply yourself?
GOD: I'm not going to explain that either. It isn't as tricky as the Friday episode, but it still takes a lot of energy--love energy, of course. Later, I invented reproduction to do the same thing, but right then I couldn't wait. I had never had any companionship before and besides I was a virgin. I didn't waste any time, I tell you. That was quite a week.
EWJ: Did you still identify with a particular body?
GOD: No, but every body got my creative imagination, which is me, which is love. I could identify with any or all. Naturally I identify with those who are having a good time.
EWJ: I notice you've shifted into the present tense. I take it that this still applies today.
GOD: Correct. Now, you have to appreciate that this creation has been going on for quite a long time. And every bit of fun and happiness and joy and loving and laughter that the human race has experienced has been me. I've been there, and I've never enjoyed anything twice.
EWJ: I'm not sure I see the significance of that.
GOD: Take it down anyway. It's a universal law, like the law of gravity, but more fundamental. I think you will find it true in your own life.
EWJ: I was going to ask you if you were getting bored after all that time but you say you're still finding brand-new experiences to enjoy?
GOD: And the converse is also true: you can't enjoy anything unless it offers me something not only enjoyable but original.
EWJ: But how could I hope to come up with anything so original that it has never been done in the history of the human race?
GOD: Just be yourself. You are unique. Your experiences are unique-- unless you borrowed them from someone else. If your experience is truly your own and original with you, I'll be right there to help you enjoy it!
EWJ: It seems to me that borrowed experiences and repeated experiences are the rule rather than the exception.
GOD: Well, I didn't invent that rule, but I must admit it does cut down my happiness yield considerably. Tell your readers that if I don't see some improvements I might terminate this creation soon and start a new one.
EWJ: I think you're bluffing.
GOD: You can think whatever you like. You don't have to believe what I tell you. I lie a lot. Check everything out, but since you're interviewing me I insist that you report what I say without alteration.
EWJ: Can you offer us any suggestions on selecting a religious group or discipline?
GOD: Insist on the goods. Happiness. Accept no promises. Accept no testimonials from others. Your path is unique. Maybe a teaching or a discipline will show you some steps in the right direction. But you are the only one qualified to tell if they are in the right direction--which is towards greater and greater happiness. This applies to every step, including the first. It must make you happier or you're just wasting your time. How much time you want to waste is up to you, of course, but a week should be more than enough. If you don't feel anything happening by a week at the most you just got on the wrong train. Same thing applies if you have come a long way with a teaching and a whole week goes by without bringing you any happiness. Time to get off that train and head off into the wilderness.
EWJ: Can you explain the death of the body?
GOD: Someone wrote "three score years and ten" in a holy book once. People are very suggestible.
EWJ: Why do we grow old and die?
GOD: I was going to ask you the same thing. Back in the old days I could get nine hundred years out of a body, regularly.
EWJ: I think you're avoiding the question.
GOD: You grow old. I have nothing to do with it. It is something you do when you are not enjoying yourself. You are either living or you are dying. It is actually a mechanism through which I ensure that no soul can waste more than about seventy years without receiving a jolt and a chance for a fresh start. I never expected people would take that as a model.
EWJ: Then you admit reincarnation?
GOD: I do maintain the facility, yes. As you can imagine, it is a severe drain on resources, with the turnover we have today. I would like to take this opportunity to inform your readers that processing channels are getting overloaded.
EWJ: Overloaded?
GOD: Yes. What this means for you and your readers is: get moving. There is no guarantee of further incarnation. Therefore live as if this is your last incarnation: "Avoid processing problems by processing yourself at home, the easy way!"
EWJ: The easy way?
GOD: You're becoming an echo. The easy way is the way I just told you: enjoy yourself!
EWJ: That sounds like "eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you die!"
GOD: Well, if you do, at least try to find something that tastes better than that junk you've gotten used to consuming.
EWJ: That's a good idea. Let's go down to the market before it closes and you can advise me.
GOD: Advise yourself. It's perfectly easy. Just imagine what it tastes like before you buy. If it is good, I'll be there.